A Radioactive Spiderbite
A BookSnailMail Interlude
Most moments in our life come by happenstance, serendipity, or (if you would believe it), fate. But there are rare moments in our lives that we manifest for ourselves. We imagine them for months, or even years in advance. We strategize, and work dogmatically towards them. Have you ever been in such a moment? Perhaps it was med school match day, having a kid, or publishing your first poem. It is not until you are in the moment that you grasp how little of what is happening is about the moment itself. The moment you have pontificated on, worried threadbare, it turns out, didn’t matter so much as everything leading up to the moment, and everything after.
I had one such moment last month, which was running a marathon! I had loftily imagined this as a dreamy goal in the past while doing nothing to manifest it, but then I decided to train. I learned a lot along the way, of which most things are not exclusive to running:
Internalize your Why: The strange thing about my Why is that I still don’t quite have the words for it, but I feel it in my chest. I don’t think you need to name your Why, but you need to feel it. Your Why is a drumbeat that keeps resounding in your ears, even when you try to turn it off. I felt my Why every single morning I woke up at 6 am to run in the dark, every time I went to an empty parking lot to run sprints alongside families on their lovely afternoon walks, and every time I said no to a night out so I could run 2o miles the next day.
Reaping your reward: During the race, I discovered that there is only the moment you are in. It sounds elementary, but I truly did not understand its meaning until 12 miles in. Imagine the race (or the novel you are writing, or the project you are stringing together) as a performance. In the midst of this performance, why would you focus on the end when the moment you are in requires your full attention? You are executing a plan. You are reaping the rewards of hard work. Being anywhere outside of that moment is to give up that reward. I am not saying don’t dream. Define your training time and dream your way through. Anything less is a disservice to yourself.
The radioactive spider bite: I am two weeks out from the race, and I am running again. It feels different this time around. It was my first race, and I was so skeptical going in! I didn’t understand the things people said, and because I didn’t understand, I didn’t believe. I didn’t know what it looked like when all the pieces of training come together. I didn’t get what people meant when they said “the real race starts at mile 20.” I didn’t believe that I could sprint 200 m at the end of a 26.2 mile course. But then I did it. Until I did it, I didn’t know how to do it. My runs feel different now, because now I know. I not only feel stronger, but freer.
But first, Writing
Every time I submit to a writing contest, I hope only nothing expect maybe exposure if my work is lucky enough to make it that far in the selection process. This month, So to Speak Journal published my short story “Cicada” in their contest issue as the fiction runner-up! It’s currently $2.99 to read the issue digitally. Please consider supporting their pub! If you want to read but can’t pay, please DM me!
And a Dash of Books
This month, a slew of gritty, feminist new releases have caught my attention:
Heaven by Mieko Kawakami - This one is currently long-listed for the International Booker Prize, which is one of my favorite literary awards. I just read All The Lovers in the Night, the author’s latest book, and immediately wanted to read another book by her. She writes about the everyday without worrying too much about plot, and somehow, it is hard to put down.
Disorientation by Elaine Hsieh Chou - I have been hearing about this one for months, and you all know I love a non-WASP campus novel. While waiting for my copy to arrive, I read this super important article by the author, and this article on how she wrote the book.
Nightcrawling by Leila Mottley - I am a sucker for books with a strong sense of place, especially when they are somewhere I am familiar with. This one occurs in my current home of Oakland, and also, the premise sounds perfect for those who like Tiffany D. Jackson or Candice Carty-Williams.
Post-Traumatic by Chantal V. Johnson - A debut novel with a killer description sold me: “Post-traumatic is a new kind of survivor narrative, featuring a complex heroine who is blazingly, indelibly alive. With razor-sharp prose and mordant wit, Chantal V. Johnson performs an extraordinary feat, delivering a psychologically astute story about the aftermath of trauma that somehow manages to brim with warmth, laughter, and hope.”
Soft Spots
A short story told in disjointed snippets that I actually enjoyed (also, loving this publication: The Drift!)
Shonda Rhimes, please Air BnB your home so I can experience this decadence!! Check it out.
Speaking of beautiful homes - do you know your style? This quiz helped me nail mine…I never would have pegged “pottery studio” for myself, but I am vibin’. Try it for yourself.
I consider myself an extroverted introvert, and found some necessary hand-holding in this article on how introverts can adjust to offices opening back up.
This somewhat abrupt but encouraging note on the necessary anxiety of marathon week
As the weather warms up, I have urges to take long walks and sip on bubble tea. Take a look at all the possible combinations! Yet….I always get a low sugar jasmine tea with regular boba. It’s a classic!
As much as I love working out, this article was a reminder of the dangers of the exercise industry: “Modern fitness is shaped by neoliberal ideas of the optimizable self, by consumer capitalism, by race and class privilege, and by gender norms.In my lifetime, I’ve seen the image of the thin yet ripped body transformed from something desirable and maybe athletic into a powerful signifier of ambition, affluence, and self-respect. Both images are sellable, but the second is more insidious.”
A jaunty article chronicling how the author went from couch to half-marathon: “I’m not the same person I was when I started" was my favorite quote.